If I Could Have Seen this Moment…

Posted on by Rhonda Showers

I’m Back

Journal Entry // 3.22.22

I’m back in the Christian Life College prayer room after 20 years. It’s a “family” room now… I suspect for nursing moms. But it will always be mine.

During a horrific relapse while finishing Bible college, I spent countless hours on my knees before Jesus in this very room. It’s holy ground. Not like a scene of angelic visitation; no miracles, visions, or heavenly choirs. Think battlefield trenches filled with sandbags and barbed wire. The eerie vantage point of walking through battlefields long deserted.

Here I fought for my faith. I cried out for healing. I begged God to make my suffering bear fruit in His kingdom. I sought God with all of my heart. It was a heartbreaking season.

Jesus had never felt so far away. I couldn’t see all He was doing in my life, and I struggled to hope as the weeks passed. Honestly, if I had anywhere else to turn during this time, I would have. Faith grew exhausting and painful. Thankfully, Jesus wouldn’t let me go.

I’m overcome as I imagine my younger self sitting here so broken. If I could breach the veil of time and show her this moment of reflection. I’m sitting here in the same space with 20 years of victories, graces, miracles, blessings. My life is so full of His mercy! I’m whole now. While my body isn’t fully healed, I feel whole. What a gift.

If I could have known all Jesus would do. If I could have understood all He would mean to me. If I could have seen this moment with spiritual eyes…

I would have praised more and grieved less.

Perhaps that is the mission forward. In my areas of need or uncertainty, I will remember this moment right here. This holy ground from the vantage point of victory won through struggle. This treasure of hindsight.

I will praise more and grieve less knowing my Jesus is forever Faithful.

“If I could have known all Jesus would do. If I could have understood all He would mean to me. If I could have seen this moment with spiritual eyes…

I would have praised more and grieved less.”

Those stupid cars are loud!

Posted on by Rhonda Showers

Struggling with Silence

7.29.21 // On Vacation in TN Viewing the Smokey Mountains

We’ve been in TN 4 days now. I’ve stolen away from my sleeping family in the early hours of the morning, desperate for quiet time with Jesus. (5 people in a 2 bedroom condo leaves the soul a bit eager for solitude.) 

I have the large balcony that faces the Smokies all to myself. Such beauty to treasure; the majesty in the mountains, the smoke and mist that remind me of God’s glory, the trees and nature all displaying His wonders. Yet… I have struggled to find a place to enjoy it. 

There’s a metaphor here.

In front of our beautiful resort runs a large, noisy highway. As beautiful as the views are, I can’t find quiet with God. I’m alone with Him. I’m gazing at green mountains with blue shadows of countless more in the distance. Worship music is blaring on my phone. My bible is open…

But those stupid cars are loud!

I hadn’t noticed them in the clamor of our vacationing fun. Only when I sought to be quiet did I recognize their distraction.

I feel God nudge me to consider all who struggle to find safety in solitude with God. They may open their bibles or turn on worship music and try to pray. Yet intrusive thoughts and feelings seize the opportunity silence presents.

We all need the refreshing that comes in quiet communion with God. It is only in these moments we learn to internalize His steadfast love for us. He makes Himself known to us uniquely in the secret place of solitude with Him. We must have these encounters with Him to grow in faith and maturity. But first, a battle with deafening voices must be won.

Shame, trauma, pain, fear, worry, pride, anger, lust, sorrow, confusion, depression, anxiety… All rear their heads in silence. We keep ourselves busy-to-the-max to drown them out. We fill our schedules, binge the series, and throw the parties, all to crowd out the opportunity for stillness. We know what awaits if we stop. 

For many, suicidal thoughts are ready to shout when we try to “be still and know He is God.”

 

How do we find safety in silence with God?

Sitting here, frustrated by the noisy intrusion, I could find a quieter place. In fact, I did a couple of days ago. Again, I stole away at sunrise and sought a spot of inspiration. But this area is so crammed with vacationers, I decided to drive to the country. To find my place of quiet, I had to navigate foreign, mountainous roads…alone. The further I drove, the more uneasy and unsafe I felt. I was far from home and I ventured the unknown in desperation. I fought a horrifying feeling of isolation as I drove further from places I felt safe. Yet I longed to be alone with Jesus and hear from Him.

Fighting depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts can feel like an unsafe expedition into the unknown. We need to escape the clamor of intrusive thoughts and feelings. We long for connection with Jesus so we can comprehend that He loves us just as we are. 

It is a treacherous voyage. But it is not impossible. 

If you struggle to find safety in solitude with Jesus, please let go of shame. A counselor, a pastor, or a trusted loved one can help you grow comfortable with silence. You will battle through fear and uncertainty. And you will overcome. Call on the name of Jesus to help you. He loves you. He is for you. And He is waiting to show you His mercy in the secret place with Him.

 

“This is what the Sovereign Lord,
    the Holy One of Israel, says:
“Only in returning to me
    and resting in me will you be saved.
In quietness and confidence is your strength…”
    Isaiah 30:15 (NLT)

 

 

 

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Get My New Book: The Slimy Pit Was Worth It!

Posted on by Rhonda Showers

 

No one on the planet escapes the clash between faith and harsh reality. Suffering results, even magnifies. As painful moments turn into days, weeks, sometimes years, God’s seeming inaction wounds and mystifies. Some press in more fervently for answers, while others give up from the weight of bearing sorrow upon sorrow. As a result, suffering people need practical application of the faith they cling to, not only to find breakthrough in their circumstances alone, but to mature into the person Christ desires them to be, for all eternity. The purpose of this book is to awaken, in every soul, a Shift of Need from comfort and the absence of sorrow, to the presence and leading of Jesus. 

 

 

 

Longing for clarity, we agonize with these questions daily, hoping comfort will dawn through their answers. The danger of the Slimy Pit lurks here. We feel ripped off. Cheated of the good life everyone else gets to keep living without us. Robbed of the peace our faith once provided. In misery, we begin counting our losses. Heavy damages stack up and cloud our vision. Bright futures fade and cynicism moves in.

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If we’re not careful, our journey with Christ can feel like a wilderness expedition, with no end in sight. Moments of discovery along the way, but still an uphill climb, with a constant fight for survival. Sometimes, this describes our current season well. But this is not the seeking Jesus offers. He isn’t inviting us to blindly follow Him on a never-ending path of struggle for faith. He uses the analogy of the path to explain our walk out of darkness and into the light of salvation. However, this difficult path leads to life, not to uncertainty.

Excerpt  | The Slimy Pit Was Worth It

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